My night mare

My husband and I were sitting on a bench along the long wall. In the room where tables with laughing children and their parents. I heard my husband complaining that I was too serious. I looked that way because I knew he was dying, but he did not know.
When the food was placed on the tables and the grill was lit, all stood up and started to sing some countries national hymn. We remained sitting down though.

My night mare continued when everybody started to move around and talk, visit and laugh. I was drawn into a conversation about the facilities and answered politely what I thought. Then I took two plates to get some food for both of us. I had rice, salad and meatballs ready when I realized that my husband was not on the bench any longer.

My heart started to beat so hard. Worries, visions and fright came over me like a smelling blanket. Quickly, I looked over the crowd to find him. He often strolled away like a wind up toy and talked to others about all and nothing. His mind was in the back burner and the subject for his conversations were blurry. I could not see him anywhere. The plates with food had to wait. I walked zig zag in the room shouting his name. Nobody had seen him and I think that nobody really cared. They continue to laugh, talk and eat the food.

His brain tumor was very big and affected his memory and speech. There was no cure and no hope, but he did not know. He did not understand what the doctors had said, but I did and my heart was bleeding of sadness and constant worries. Glioblastoma Multiforme Braintumor kills!

After running in and out of the building, searching and crying and shouting, I finally had to go to the bathroom. The toilets were on one side of a long room. All was silent and I sat down to do my thing. Then I heard a sighing sound. I feared what I would find when I opened the door to another toilet.

There he was, my darling husband, Bleeding from the forehead. The wall on one side was bloody too, and he could not get up from the floor. He reached for my arms and we both cried. He was hurt and in pain and so was I. I started to shout for help and I screamed: Dial 911! The shouting woke me up. Soaked with sweat the the loud cry still in my throat.

After one of these nightmare rides, I cannot stop feelling that horror in my chest for a long long time. I do understand some background for the dream. My husband died from GMB not so long ago. But without the blood and emergency. But with the fear and sorrow and sadness.